Becoming A Military Wife

When I was a young adult I did not know what my future looked like. I searched for it every day.
I wanted to be a wife and a mother. But what would that look like? Who would my husband be? Where would we live? What kind of life would we have?

When I met him he had just left basic training in the military. He wasn't sure if he wanted to make a career out of the military or leave when his first four years were up.
We had grown up one state away from each other. Raised in similar family lives; being raised in large families practicing the same religion. We both dream of love and family.

I had decided prior to meeting him that I was not going to marry a military man. After high school my boyfriend considered joining the Army and I put my foot down. He did not join the Army but we did not end up together anyway.
When I met my husband to be I was ready to change my life. Ready to accept what path he was on and take it as my own. 

We met in April and married in August. When it's meant to be ...it can happen really fast.
I wanted to travel and being a military family certainly gives you the opportunity! In fact, it doesn't give you a choice. You move when and where the military sends you.

There are so many words and acronyms to learn in the military family world. As a fresh new wife I would get asks questions by other wives and when I didn't know the answer (or any clue what they had just said) they looked judgingly at me. As if I had already failed. Not all military wives are like that...There are many military wives who sympathize and understand. Thankfully.
Fifteen years in and I am still sometimes out of the loop when I hear military vocabulary and acronyms.

 

Financially we were always stable. We had rough times, like all people do. But we always had a home and food. We always had the important things.
This was the driving force in deciding to stay in the military all these years. Life outside the military looks daunting and so uncertain. Life is truly expensive and good jobs can be scarce.

Of course, deployments and work trips (TDYs) are part of the job. Military members leave behind their spouse and children to do their job away from wherever they currently call "home."
Some spouses are cut out for being supportive and put in charge of house and children by themselves. Living almost like a single parent with nobody to cuddle at the end of the day. Nobody to help discipline the kids or assist them with homework. Nobody to drive a child to football practice while the other makes dinner at home.
And some spouses really struggle with these times. Some shut their blinds, draw their curtains and hide in the house. Crying at the loss of their partner, even if just for 2-8 months. 

When a member of your church or circle of friends deploys it opens up countless opportunities to serve. A spouse often appreciates little acts of love; taking the kids off their hands for a few hours, bringing them meals so they don't have to cook, taking them out to eat and converse, mowing their lawn or raking their leaves, etc. There are many, many ways you can support and show love to a spouse during deployment.
And we all know that when we serve others we benefit greatly. Our hearts fill with joy and good things happen to us in return. Our souls thrive on the feeling of helping out another soul. 

I appreciated living in NV when we first married...my family was there. My parents and siblings.
I loved living in Italy when the military sent us there. Four years is a long time, however. It's a long time to stay strong when your relatives are so far away and America is a nine hour flight.
Four years was too long.
South Dakota was nice because we could drive to visit family. However, it made me wish I could move closer to family. Unfortunately, my man and I had no say in where we moved. There is a wish list where you can let the government know where you want them to send you. But, they send you where they need you.

Living there for over five years ...my desire to be in charge of where we live grew greater and greater. Then, they moved us over seas again. I did not want to go!
I wanted to move by my family instead. But, I couldn't let my husband move alone. I couldn't split up our happy family. We could afford it, I think. We could have made it happen. But, it would have been heartbreaking to be apart. And eventually I would move myself and the kids to where he is because...he is "home."

 

Typically a military family gets a 6-12months notice about their move. Where and when. The family can then start looking at houses online and schools. Start planning the next chapter of their life...after the moving chapter, of course. There is always a moving chapter.
It involves your household goods (furniture, toys, clothes, etc) being moved three months before you physically leave or keeping your stuff longer which results in receiving it even later at your next location.
You leave your current "home" to stay in a hotel which is usually a military tower/apartment building on base for a week or more.
Many adventures can occur during the moving process. Many things can happen to your family or your belongings in the process. Including having your move delayed (you end up staying in the apartment longer) or having your items in their shipping containers fall off the boat in transit. You end up with moldy furniture and have to fill out paperwork and decide how much your belongings were worth so you know how much you lost.

Currently we are about four years away from retiring from the military. We have a plan for our life after the military. We look forward to that time.
At the moment all we can do is wait for the orders of where and when our next duty station will be. If it is in America, which "it had darn better be", we can prepare for that life little by little from there. Wherever they send us in America we will be able to visit our town and our land and plan our future. Meet the church and scout the job opportunities. Build our house and check out the schools for our children.
For now we just have to wait. Waiting is one of the most practiced parts of being in the military. You are required to wait for everything your entire time in the service. 

 

I have been happy to be a military wife. I have been proud to be a military wife. I have hated being a military wife. I have dreamt of discarding the position...running away and living near family.
Now, I don't see myself as a military wife anymore. On the outside I still play the role. I support my husband, serve as a keyspouse and support the squadron any way I can. But inside my heart...I am out.

I look in the mirror now and see a daughter, a sister, an aunt. I see who I use to be in my youth (before I met my man) and who I am now both mixed into one. I see my soul. I see my dreams of the future.
I don't see a military wife. I may be judged for counting down the days until we are free from the military life but I am also grateful for the blessing it has been to us. The friendships we got out of it. The support we were given in times of need. The strength it gave to us. The adventures it brought about traveling the world. Thank you. And no more please.